“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens, it’s something that must be created.” – Fawn Weaver
Marriage counseling is designed to help resolve disputes and enhance relationships between two individuals. It can be effective for all types of intimate relationships, regardless of sexual orientation. When two people come together in a marriage, their opinions on various topics may differ, which can automatically lead to conflict. Also, like it’s better to see a doctor before you’re unwell, it’s better to start therapy before you start seeing problems in your relationships. It’s necessary to identify the red flags in time and work on them. Getting your spouse to agree to marriage counseling can be the hardest part of counseling. But, marriage counseling can succeed if both partners agree on seeking help from the therapist.
Disputes are a part of a marital relationship. Unfortunately, you can’t stop it even if you want. But, you can look for ways where you can reduce them. Counseling can help you to reduce those disputes and work on any unresolved ones. If the arguments between the couple seem to get worst over time instead of getting better, it’s good to consider seeing a professional marriage counselor before it’s too late. In a counseling session, couples might have to answer some tricky and bitter questions, so it is better to be open about your thoughts and tell everything frankly. The counselor will try to reach the bottom of problems and guide you to find the solutions. In addition, they may advise you and your spouse to ask questions to each other. These counseling sessions could be tough, and you may miss out on important points or fail to express yourself properly.
Here are a few questions that a marriage counselor may ask you in a session:
A) Personal questions related to your relationship history such as –
A counselor may ask you the duration of being together with one another, about their past, the way you met and qualities that made you fall in love with one another. Counselor may ask you about the time you took before marrying each other. S/he may enquire about the circumstances under which a couple got married. Also, counselors may want to know about previous relationships you had before your current relationship. It can be important to know if you have been previously married or had bad relationships prior to marriage versus if you had never been on a single date.
B) Problem-specific questions such as –
As past is important, similarly, it is crucial to deal with existing marital problems as well. A counselor will ask about how you handle conflict. For example, do you avoid talking about difficult subjects? Do you have heated arguments? Does one person feel the need to win?Counselor will also focus on what issues do couples think their marriage has. S/he will try to focus on the major points of disagreements, the pressing issues in a marriage, the problems that need urgent attention, etc. It is important to know when these problems started as well.
It is also important to ask whether it is just a bad phase of your relationship or does the issue keep on hurting anyone or both of you physically or mentally? While asking so, the mental health of a person also needs to be addressed. If anyone’s mental health is taking a toll, it should be considered as a red flag of the relationship.At the same time, it is necessary to ask whether they are you ready to work together to make their marriage a success?
C) Related to the past issues –
Past issues needs to be addressed to resolve the present problems in a relationship. A counselor might ask you about the past conflicts that needs to be looked after and resolved? Also, Do they always mention past incidences in all of their fights? For eg – “Do you remember that night when you came late to the dinner? or Do you remember that morning when I was late to work and you did not even ask me that should I drop you? ” It is also essential to ask whether they regret any of their past decision that affects your relationship now such as having or not having a child or staying together with in-laws, etc.
D) Related to the trust –
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If it is shattered, no relationship can work well. It is important to know whether they trust one another. If not, is there any incidence from which the trust is lost? If it is lost, can it be regained and to regain that, are they willing to work with one another. Counselor may also ask couples’ thoughts on infidelity.
E) Related to the relationship expectations –
Often, relationships doesn’t turn out as expected earlier. At that time, couples can get unhappy with their present relationships. As a counselor, it is important to know their idea of an “ideal or positive relationship and is your relationship heading in that way? Also, what do they except from one another and are they willing to do to improve your relationship? Before starting therapy , their expectations from the therapy also needs to be discussed.
F) Related to the Romance –
The idea of romance or intimacy differs from person to person. For few, romance means listening to the favorite music with a hot cup of coffee in heavy rains outside, whereas for a few, romance might be only physical such as cuddling, having intercourse or kissing the partner. Counselor can also make couples discuss their ideas of intimate time together, ask the way they show love to each other and discuss about their ideas of romance Counselors may ask a couple whether they are satisfied with their physical intimacy.
It is necessary to discuss whether showing love only mean having a physical relationship with your partner or they have any other ideas as well? If ideas of romance differs, it can also lead to unhappiness and frustration in couples.
G) Related to communication –
A healthy communication leads to a healthy relationship. How often do couples communicate with each other, how often do they feel differences of opinion while communicating, do they think they can communicate more effectively,do they think that you are being misunderstood by their partner, do they have difficulty communicating their thoughts, feelings or ideas to one another are the few common questions being asked by the counselor.. If it happens, counselor may teach a few positive communication skills for better communication between partners.
H) Related to the future –
Counselors need to ask where do you see your relationship in the next few years? And most importantly, do they see a future in this marriage?
I) Self-Related –
If any one partner’s self -image is getting hampered because if the relationship issues, it’s better to address them in time. Questions commonly being asked may involve – Do you think your self-esteem is getting affected in the relationship?, do you think your self-confidence is getting affected in the relationship?, have you started giving less importance to yourself?, etc.
J) Childhood information
Although, marriage counselling happens with adults, a counselor will always ask about the childhood of both the partners. Counselors inquire about your past as few of them believe that past always leaves few traces in the personality of an individual in the present and it can also be a root cause for few marital problems. A marriage counselor may ask what type of home you grew up in, what sorts of relationships you observed as a child, and what sort of view of marriage you developed as a child. For example, it can be helpful to know if you grew up with parents who constantly fought versus if you were raised by a single mother who entered into frequent, unhealthy relationships. As children, we develop a lot of beliefs about ourselves, the world, and others based on what we noticed going on around us.
Asking such and many other questions can help reveal important underlying issues and benefit from the therapy. The more honest answers couples give, the more beneficial therapy becomes. One important thing to remember is that therapy does not always SAVE a marriage. Therapy helps a couple to make the right choices in their relationships. The choices might not always be favorable. There are various aspects for therapy to work. It is essential to consider all the factors before starting therapy.
We at WAITT provide the best-skilled counseling services. If you and your partner want to seek help and choose the best option for you, we are here to help you. To book a session with us, please click on the link below –